Meet Alice. She has just arrived home from a hard day at work. She switches on her computing machine, and looks to see what her friends have been up to on Facebook, the Electric Friendship Generator.

First, she checks in to see what Timmy's been up to Alice and Timmy have been going steady for six months, and she thinks he is a real swell guy.

Alice hasn’t spoken to Timmy since last evening, and can’t wait to see what his day was like.

That’s funny:  at 2:05 this morning, Timmy changed his relationship status from ‘In a relationship’ to ‘Single’. Even more curious, he became friends with Donna Whitehouse, at 2:07 am.  Timmy just bungled rule number 1 of Facebook relationship etiquette: don't change your relationship status without consulting the other person. What a dope!

Alice decides there must be some sort of mistake. The Timmy she knows would never disregard her feelings this way. She sends him a note, to see if it was a mistake. Alice waits, and waits, and waits.

Alice is tired of waiting, so she decides to stick it to Timmy. She uploads and tags a few embarrassing photographs of Timmy. Timmy may have a hard time making new friends when they see that he likes to dress up in Alice’s undergarments.

Those photographs sure are funny! But Alice just broke Facebook relationship etiquette rule number 2: Don’t post embarrassing photographs of other people. Shame on you Alice! It’s OK, Alice. We all make mistakes.

It looks like Timmy has posted some messages on Alice’s wall. "I can’t believe you posted those photos of me!”, “Sorry for being such a square.”, “Baby, are you there?”,  “By the way it was just a regular rash.” TMI Timmy. [TMI = too much information] You've just broken Facebook relationship etiquette rule number 3: Be discreet when posting messages on another person's wall.

Alice doesn't take the bait. She removes Timmy's posts, and tries to move on with her life. That's interesting. Timmy has been very busy on Facebook making friends with all of Alice's friends. Who would want to be pals with a growdy jowdy like Timmy? [I’ve never heard of “growdy jowdy” – Harry]

He has violated Facebook relationship rule number 4: Don't steal other people's friends. Cool it Alice! No-one's going to date you if you get frown lines!

Alice is fed up. So she creates a group called: 'Timmy Gordon's a Real Wet Blanket'. (Wet blanket = someone who stops other people from having fun) According to the group's description, Timmy cries over spilled milk; Timmy buys things not made in the USA; Timmy wets the bed; and Timmy is a communist! Be careful Alice! This is clearly in violation of Facebook Relationship Rule number 5: Don't start Hate Groups. Nothing good can come of this...

What did I tell you Alice? Timmy is in the slammer and Alice is ashamed. All of this could have been avoided by following the simple rules of Facebook Etiquette. Don't be bungleheads [=idiots] like Alice and Timmy. Have good Facebook manners, and the Electric Friendship Generator will be more fun for everyone.